Well it was a guaranteed banker wasn’t it? I go on about poor cup form, and the teams in question give me an opportunity for devouring pies of the humble variety. I was at Station View, so I suppose that I’m best qualified to talk about that one, but I have been accused of not being at the game on the basis of my match report. So I’ll comment instead on Slonka’s boys, who did a magnificent job in seeing off Spa Athletic in the Hulme Cup Quarter Final. Although I wasn’t there, I can tell you they were out of this world – efficient, stylish and ruthless. It’s a while since I’ve seen goals taken so well. As a quality player of recent years, Slonk is obviously stamping his authority on them, moulding them into a team that plays in his image. Having said that, he has been referred to of late as “Borat”, and thinking of our guys turning out in kit like Borat wore to the beach, that’s not an image I’d like to contemplate thank, you very much!

So Keegan returns to make thousands of Tynesiders (and Gaz Watts) happy. He is loved by the Barcode Army, and obviously feels that affection in return. But can you honestly see them winning anything with him? If Sir Bobby failed, then what chance has King Kev? Having been to St James Park on a number of occasions, I am always amazed at their attitude towards the game. It’s not just important to win, it has to be won in the right manner. I’ve seen the Gallowgate End applaud what was admittedly a wonder strike by Gordon Strachan, and boo the ref for sending off Dion Dublin. Both were playing against the Toon by the way. But I suspect they’ll have a while to wait yet if they are looking for silverware. Gaz must owe me a few pints soon on the basis of my Cup predictions then!! (See above)

On the last blog I reminisced about the “Super Cally” headline, which got me thinking about other media moments. As an avid listener of Fighting Talk on BBC Five Live, I was amused to hear some of the answers given when asked what was the greatest utterance by the King of the Arrows that is Sid Waddell. The answers were fine but got me googling to see what they could have said. These are just a few of the best from the legend himself:
·         “Bristow reasons . . . Bristow quickens ... Aaah, Bristow.”
·         “That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!”
·         “The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in with a portion of chips, you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them”
·         “That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus.”
·         “He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave.”
·         “This lad has more checkouts than Tescos"
·         “There's no one quicker than these two tungsten tossers... ”
But the one that makes me wonder who he was referring to is:
·         “Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall body strength.”
Draw your own conclusions!!

So when Roman Abramovic gets sick of Chelsea he’s obviously going to want another club isn’t he? He’ll want a feeling of familiarity – play in blue, check; modern stadium, check; world class squad, check. So it’s obvious he’ll put his cash into Boroughbridge AFC. But you have to ask yourself what would that mean? What will we get out of it? Well I can reveal exclusively that this is closer than you think, and he already has had scouts at the Club so that he can be swift and decisive when he moves in. Firstly, he’ll want all the trappings of luxury he’s used to in Kensington, so he’s been looking at apartments over the ‘Shoes, with a holiday home or Dacha out at Minskip.
He’ll need staff too. Sorry Daz, but you’ll be out and replaced by Darren Fowles, whose incisive footballing brain will be needed to guide the club up and through the pyramid. Silky is obvious for the role of physio, because he’s had most of the injuries over the years. The Government recommends Five a Day, which means that nutrition and health will be given to Tricky, who has expert knowledge of the benefits of 40 a day, whilst our banqueting and Conference Venue will be the domain of “Elvis” Leslie Hale, who has excellent connections in showbiz. We’ll have our own TV channel on Sky, Bridge TV, fronted by Smudge coz he met Gary Lineker, and there’s a tailor made role for Hoggy as our PR and Media man assisted by, well if we’re honest, just about anyone at the Club. The amount of money that will flow into the local economy will soon have people flocking to the area and they’ll all need somewhere to stay, which does mean that Daz won’t be totally out of it though, as he can build the hotels they need. There’ll be a place for everyone under the new regime, no one will be out in the cold.  Oh, it’s all coming together now and I have a vision already. But what of me you might ask? Well I’ll take on the role of Ballack, Cudicini or Bridge. Getting paid £100k+ a week but not actually playing.

A final, serious thought. One of our own legends of recent years, Paul “Vinno” Vincent got badly crocked over the weekend at the Railway game I was at but didn’t watch (once again, see above). He’s a big hearted, fully committed player and when he goes down, if he doesn’t get straight back up, you know there’s a bit of a problem. We knew instantly therefore, that he was hurt. Now, it seems that it might be a little less serious than first thought, but he’s still in a leg brace, so pretty damn serious whichever way it turns out. Like everyone at the Club, we wish him well, and hope that for his own sake as well as the Clubs’ that he will soon be gracing the pitches of the local scene, tackling tough and generally getting in the faces of forwards everywhere. All the best Vinno.

More inane scribblings next week.